April in Cambodia

Greeting and Felicitations all,

April has been a complex month with fun and activities crossing the entire spectrum, it has also been bloody hot here, two weeks in it hit the 40C mark and hovered around there (38 to 42) for a week or so. Nights still being in the low to mid 30’s. My electricity bill is going to be massive this month, probably representing 30% of my monthly stipend just in air-conditioning, ho hum, roll on the rainy season.

Even now at the end of the month we are still having 40C weather everyday, by the end of May we should be getting rain two or three times a week for a few hours at a time.

April is also the month in which Khmer New Year falls. Now Cambodia celebrates New Year three times a year: first of all we have ‘International New Year’ which falls on the first of January, then a few months later we have Chinese New Year, which is two more days of Bank Holiday’s, then finally – this month - we have Khmer New Year which is three more days. BTW: it should be noted that Cambodia has more Bank Holidays per year than any other Country, with 26 official ones listed, plus these overspill into a few unofficial ones which in reality pushes the number to over 30 days off for Bank Holidays every year?!?


Monday the 4th
04:00 I want too sleep !
I awake at 04:00 in the morning disturbed by a noise that I can not quite place, wandering out to the living room I slip slightly, but manage to maintain my balance, the floor is awash with water. Looking out of the window I realise that it is pouring it down with a monsoon rain! The noise was 14 inches of water falling in less than an hour. Not expecting rain I have had all of my windows open for around 3 months now, just to let the small token breeze in for a modicum of cool air.
At 07:00 as I head into the office the roads are almost dry and I can practically feel the steam rising up off the road. Unseasonable rain at this time of year is called mango rain, plean ply-s’why, by the Khmers, you only get it once or twice a year.

Thankfully my government office is well air-conditioned !


Tuesday the 5th
Heng’s Birthday
I take the day off work; Heng and I go shopping for her birthday present. If I had gone shopping on my own for it, I would have been charge at least 50% more for it…
Then a trip around the Sorya shopping centre, strolling around its 5 floors of air-conditioned bliss; not needing to buy anything, just enjoying the escape from the norm – and the heat!
Treating myself to a few new DVD’s I retreat home for the afternoon.

The evening is spent with friends at the Peace Café, who come bearing presents much to Heng’s amusement [and happiness!] Khmers do not make a big deal out of birthdays, although they do enjoy getting presents very much !


Wednesday the 6th
Dave and family for lunch
Today was the day for my monthly lunch party. This month I invited Dave who owns the Peace Café, along with his wife and son.
Also in attendance were the usual gaggle of Khmer girls who come and clean and cook for a free lunch.
Master Chef was of course Heng, who was very keen to show off the new recipes that she has learnt to her Khmer girlfriends, along with the usual mix of Khmer recipes.

· Chicken Cordon Bleu
· Breaded beef nuggets
· Tom Yam soup
· Pork and ginger stir fry
· Chips
· Mashed potatoes



Thursday the 7th
One of those Random Random Phnom Penh Nights
About 7PM the phone rings. It is Heng’s cousin from up in Siem Reap. It seems that her and her husband are in Phnom Penh for the night , furthermore, they also want to go to SPARK, the European-style aircraft hanger size disco and night club. Also, several of the aging aunt’s are with them. Not quite sure what a bevy of Khmer aunties pushing 50 will make of the place, however, I agree to join them, so they say that they will pick me up at 10PM

9:30PM they are knocking on the door, in they all traipse; Auntie Hamster-Face, Auntie Permanent Look of Shock, cousin hot girl with very short skirts and her husband - the Khmer equivalent of Del Boy; - only these pair run a hotel in Siam Reap (Glen, Paul, you know who I mean :-)

Fascinated to see how a barang, foreigner, lives they stroll around the flat looking at books, CD’s, DVD’s, wall hangings, the contents of my fridge, et cetera. Poking into every nook and cranny and asking how much rent I pay and what everything costs. All very typical here !

So off we all go, the 6 of us piling into a Honda CR-V

Arriving at SPARK – eventually, after the ‘scenic route’ – we are frisked and patted down by security, much to the amusement of the aging aunties. Once inside the main room I am disappointed that we are ushered to the central tables and that we do not get a private booth as I am used to there.

As usual there is a live backing band playing, with about half a dozen rotating singers coming on for two or three songs at a time. This goes on for around an hour, when they then switchover to a DJ and disco type affair. Having only recently had access to Western songs they tend to play a rather jumbled mixture; Madonna (Holiday) is followed by MC Hammer, is followed by The Grease theme tune, is followed by Kylie, is followed by a couple of Khmer hit pop songs (can not be described, need to be experienced…) is followed by a Queen medley. All the while with the Khmer DJ’s are throwing in ad libs and trying to sing along – painful.

A unique experience to say the least…

Around 11:30 the aunties feel that hey have had quite enough exposure to modern popular culture for one evening (lifetime?) so we leave, they drop me off at home and I fairly tired from the long day and decided to head straight to bed.


Saturday the 9th
Office Khmer New Year Party

17:30 The Tai May Hotel Restaurant.

Having been informed of the office Khmer New Year Party a good 24 hours in advance I really had no excuse not too go.
Possessing rudimentary directions – opposite the Ministry of the Interior (MoI) – I head off looking for the Hotel / Restaurant.
After half an hour of riding up and down the southern end of Norodom Boulevard, past the MoI so often that the security guards were starting to look at me funny, I finally manage to get one of my Khmer colleagues on the phone.
It seems that ‘opposite’ needed to be translated a little better, to something like – on the same side of the road but six blocks south…

Upon arrival, the restaurant appeared somewhat smaller than last year’s venue, but that was okay, as there appeared to be about 75% less people there this year.

Joining one of the larger tables with the senior staff on. We immediately got on with the business of toasting each others health, a happy new year, the colour red, the chandeliers, et cetera…

In between the toasting, drinking and backslapping we were served:

· Whitebait stir-fried with peanuts
· BBQ Leg Pork (fat, fat, soggy skin and a little meat) and spring greens
· Whole fish in ginger, spring onion and soy bean sauce (yes, whole still means whole, head, eyes, gills, entrails, et cetera…)
· Bok La Hong (papaya, seafood and chilli salad)
· Tom Yam Soup
· Fresh fruit

And of course…

· Boiled rice by the bucketful

Around 21:00 only half a dozen of us are left, so my boss asks for the bill and the remaining few of us call it a night.

Driving back home I remember that tomorrow Dave and his family is going away for a few days to the beach, so I figure I should swing by the Peace Café and wish everyone a happy new year


Wednesday the 13th
Last day of school…
As it is the last day of work before Khmer New Year, I treat myself to an hour’s lie-in and do not go to the office until 08:00.
It would seem that everyone else is treating themselves as well. Out of 45 members of staff, there is me in the office !
09:00 hum. Still only me here and I have almost finished the report I was editing on fish exports to Thailand and Vietnam, yawn, yawn.
10:00 bugger this, I am off home!

Having no staff at home either today, I treat myself by cooking a full English fry up, or as close as one can do one with Khmer ingredients :-)

As the afternoon draws on, I decide to head out to see a few people in some of the ex-pat bars around the city – all the Khmer places are closed, only about half the ex-pat owned places are open as well.

Afternoon
So, during the course of the afternoon / early evening I cover; Barry’s Bar, The Green Vespa Bar, The Snake Bar and then I decide to call it a night and head home.

Just as I arrive home I get a phone call from Heng, she wants to go out to the Snake bar and see her friends that work there, so I head out to the bar and meet up with the gang.

Feeling some what peckish I avail myself of the French bar snack menu and order a croque madam with frites – that is a cheese and ham toastie with a fried egg on top and a portion of chips, had quite enough rice this week :-)
As we are all chatting and drinking down cold refreshing beers I notice that the bar clock has crept up to midnight, pointing this out to my Khmer friend I toast them a happy new year, they return the toast but start laughing, when I ask why they are laughing they inform me that the Khmer New Year does not start until 12:47

I am sorry, did you say 12:47 ?

Yes, comes the reply, 12:47 is when Buddha arrive in Phnom Penh, he has other Countries and then provinces in Cambodia to visit first, but he will arrive in Phnom Penh at 12:47

Of course, by now I know better than to smirk, smile or make any sort of comment about this, I just nod.

However, once I have managed to nod with a straight face I somehow lose control of my mouth (and possibly my brain as well) in a voice remarkably like mine I hear a voice inquire ‘how do you know it is 12:47 exactly that Buddha will arrive at?’

Fortunately my friends do not think that I am joking around and they answer quite seriously, the royal astrologer has worked out the times needed according to the celestial guides for Buddha to travel through the skies visiting each Country on his giant golden rooster.

Giant, what, gold, what? What? What? Comes my scholarly reply

It seems that as this year is the year of the rooster…


Thursday the 14th
First day of the 3 day Khmer New Year

I had an invite to have a traditional New Years Days breakfast with Heng’s family, arriving slightly late at 08:30, I find that they have waited for me before they start (oops, feeling a little guilty about that)
So we are swiftly served breakfast:

· Chicken and sweet potato curry
· Chicken and Black Mushroom stir-fry – with ginger and spring onions
· French bread

- and, yeah, you guessed it, rice !

All washed down with lashing and lashing of Tiger Beer, yes it was 09:00 and they were drinking already !?!?
Is it any wonder that I spent the afternoon half asleep on the sofa watching TV


Friday the 15th
Second day of the Khmer New Year

Quiet morning at home, followed in the afternoon with a road trip on the bike out to the Udong mountains and specifically to Phnom Chet Dey Mak (Phnom means mountain in Khmer)
The journey took around an hour, and that included a 10 – 15 minute stop for iced coffee

Arriving at Phnom Chet Dey Mak we see a horde of Khmers, hundreds of people, on foot, on bikes, in cars. It seems to be a popular destination. Taking the longer road around the whole base of the mountain, we come across countless market stalls selling food, water, knick-knacks, et cetera. We also come across several groups of young Khmers throwing water balloons and turning hosepipes on anyone within range…

Coming full circle again to the entrance I park the bike in the car park and we stroll up to the main stairs.

At the base of the mountain there is a crowd of people playing one of the many tradition Khmer new year games’. In this one a person is blindfolded, spun around and given a big, thick, length of bamboo, suspended by a piece of string above them is a terracotta pot filled with talc and 100 riel notes, the crowd shouts encouragement and directions as the hapless soul swings around in vain trying to hit the pot.
Of course, when they do hit the pot, the lucky ones in the crowd are covered in talc and hundred riel notes, the unlucky ones are lacerated by shards of flying terracotta… but hey, this is Cambodia.

After this game finishes, we head up the 1,000 steps to the top of the mountain and the temple on the top.

Why do the Khmers always build their Temples on the tops of mountains? Do they believe that you have to be tired, hot and sweaty to pray ?

As we start up the stairs the beggars, hawkers and vagabonds start harassing us, trying to sell us 500 riel bottle of water for 4000 riel, et cetera. Thankfully I am accompanied by the faithful and trusty Heng, who, armed with a fistful of 100 riel notes (0.01 pence), keeps the horde at bay.



Evening
Arriving back in the city, the traditional evening activities of the Khmer New Year are taking place, street corners everywhere are lined with Khmer youths armed with water and talc, anyone who drives more than a hundred yards in Cambodia on any of the three evenings is guaranteed to get soaked and covered in talc.

Feeling a little peckish, I stop at one of the many roadside food stalls and order a plate of Bok la hong - papaya, seafood and chilli salad. As I am sat there fiddling with crab legs and chop-sticks, I suddenly am dizzy and disorientated, my vision clearing, I realise that I am soaked to the skin; I had just been hit smack in the face with a water filled balloon !

Three young Khmer lads all balancing on the same 50cc moped were waving at me and laughing – sors’day chnam thmey, they cry, Hello New Year! Forcing a soggy smile I wave back and mutter some English phrases that they would most defiantly not have been taught in school…

Finishing my papaya salad, which luckily had out of the line of fire, I order a bottle of mineral water, a litre bottle, a plastic litre bottle of water. Coming to the conclusion that the best form of defence is attack I keep half an eye on the approaching traffic, less than a minute later I see a another moped – out of the hundred driving up and down the road – veer towards me, pretending to ignore it I wait until they are only 3 feet away, the two guys on the back raise their arms, when suddenly I lift up the bottle which was obscured from their vision and squeeze down as hard as I can – bang I get all three of them in the head with a litre of water, their aims go completely astray – much to the annoyance of the now soaked women sat opposite me! the lads carry on riding down the road with massive grins, shouting ‘barang laying dai, barang laying dai!’ - the foreigner is playing too, the foreigner is playing too!!

Well, I managed to pass the next hour – and next 6 litres of water like this. Borrowing a knife of the stall owner I punched a hole in the top of the water bottle so that I could get more distance and accuracy from the plastic bottle.
After the first five minutes of this I was told that I was doing it wrong ?

Huh? I thought, how could I be doing it wrong? It is squirting water; is it some form of rocket science that I was unaware of? Just seems like basic physics to me? squeeze sides of bottle, jet of water comes out the front ???

No, no, no. came the reply. You are boy, you should squirt only girls, the prettier the girl, the more water you try and soak her with !

Well, if you insist, if that is the culturally correct thing to do, who am I to ignore local custom :-)

Well, an hour or so later, soaked to the skin and my black, black, jeans looking very white from the talc I call it a night.
On the way home I pass near by to Barry’s bar and feel that it would be churlish to pass by without wishing everyone a happy new year – and of course partaking a=in a cold icy beverage or two :-)


Saturday the 16th
Last day of the Khmer New Year Festival.

I have a nice lazy day at home, watch a couple of movies and have a pizza delivered for lunch – hey, it is a holiday !

Dinner with Heng’s family. Beef broth, fish paste and rice and French bread.

Out and about in town for the water fight. Armed with around 50 water balloons, two x 2 litre bottles of water with holes punched in the top and a big bottle of talcum powder.
Plus, a small and slightly manic Khmer girl riding pillion / shotgun (Heng)


First port of call, the length of the river side, where around a thousand people are lining the wide streets and roads throwing water, talc and lotus petals in a frenzy wishing all and sundry a happy new year, it takes over an hour to travel 2 miles. I am of course soaked to the skin within the first 10 minutes. The majority of the water balloons get used up on this stretch of the evening, I developed something of a dead aim with them by the end of the evening, in fact, I suspect that Alan at the Green Vespa might just bar me the next time I go in, as I hit him on the back of the head TWICE from a range of 25 yards or more :-)

Second popular venue is the L – shape stretch of road outside the Hotel Cambodiana, round to the Independence Monument, again over a thousand people lining both sides of the dual carriage way

Deciding that the third port of call should be the circular road around Wat Phnom we head back there via the river front again.

All in all over three hours of water fights and talc bombs, wonderful fun for those of us who refuse to grow up !